Every parent grapples with this question, and as an adoptive mom, I often find myself reflecting on it.
When our children were placed with us, they were both under a year old. Thanks to the care and support from Mother's Choice HK before her placement, I felt on top of the world when our first child came home. I hadn’t just become a mother; I was HERS. There was no greater feeling than that. However, this joy was occasionally overshadowed by comments that made me question my role as her mom. Things like, “Are you her real mom? Oh really? Wow, you don’t look alike!” or “Don't you want to have your own children? You can’t know what true unconditional love is until you’ve given birth. Aren’t you scared she might want to find her biological mom and live with her later?” would led me to doubt myself. I could feel the stares and judgment, imagining the shadow of her birth mother hovering over me, silently critiquing my every choice, as if I weren’t enough simply because I hadn’t given birth to her.
I put a lot of pressure on myself, but deep down, I knew the most important thing was to be the mother our daughter needed me to be. Together with my husband, I made sure she and, later, her little sister knew their story, that they could approach us with questions, and that they felt safe confiding their worries and concerns.
I also felt a heavy responsibility to ensure that our daughters would be comfortable with their identities. Not a day goes by without me wondering if I’m doing a good job of raising them.
Then, yesterday, something shifted. My oldest daughter barged into the washroom while I was minding my own business and blurted, out of the blue, “Hey, Mommy, quick question: how tall was my biological dad?”
I realized at that moment that I was probably not doing too shabby as a parent.
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