Before we even began our adoption journey, I spoke with other adoptive parents who candidly shared the unique challenges they faced. These included issues of identity and attachment, the complexity of grief and loss, and the trauma caused by the separation from the biological mother at birth. Not to forget that every parent worries about honoring their child’s background while helping them feel safe and loved. It was going to be a journey indeed, but nothing could deter me; I was filled with hope and love. I had no doubt that I could parent a child—any child. My husband and I were confident we could do it.
However, once we attended information sessions and seminars, I started to question myself. The reading we undertook to educate ourselves only intensified my self-doubt. One book, in particular, shook me to the core: “Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew” by Sherrie Eldridge.
This book terrified me. I became overwhelmed with doubts and fears: Would I be able to handle our future child's development? Their emotional needs? Their questions? Their anxiety? Their anger? How would I cope with peer judgment and societal pressures? Would I be capable of facing these challenges?
I was absolutely frightened of being inadequate and terrified, ad-nauseam, of not being enough.
Yet, deep down, I knew that giving up was not an option. I had to face my fears in order to grow, build resilience and confidence, and overcome the challenges ahead. To achieve that, I needed to continue reading and educating myself, which I still do to this day.
In retrospect, I am incredibly grateful that this particular book triggered so many fears and concerns. It pushed me to confront and embrace my apprehensions, pursue further learning, and question my assumptions. Ultimately, it has empowered me to navigate the complexities of this journey.
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